Telegram Mistake
A man wants to celebrate his wife's birthday by throwing a party.
So he goes to order a birthday cake.
The salesman asks him what message he wants to put on the cake.
Well he thinks for a while and says let's put,
"you are not getting older you are getting better".
The salesman asks "how do you want me to put it?"The man says,
Well put "You are not getting older", at the top and "You are getting better" at the bottom.
The real fun didn't start until the cake wrapper was opened
the entire party watched the message decorated on the cake
"You are not getting older at the top, You are getting better at the bottom".
Coincidence
A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean.
The lawyer said, "I am here because my house burned down and everything I owned was burned.
The Insurance company paid for everything."
"That is quite a coincidence," said the engineer,
"I am here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood,
and my Insurance company also paid for everything.
"The lawyer looked somewhat confused and asked, "how do you start a flood?"
Eating Grass
One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine
when he saw two men eating grass by the road side.
He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.
"Why are you eating grass?" he asked one man.
"We don't have any money for food." the poor man replied."
Oh, come along with me then.""But sir, I have a wife with two children!""
Bring them along! And you, come with us too!", he said to the other man.
"But sir, I have a wife with six children!" the second man answered.
"Bring them as well!"They all climbed into the car, which was no easy task,
even for a car as large as the limo.Once underway, one of the poor fellows says,
"Sir, you are too kind.Thank you for taking all of us with you.
"The lawyer replied,"No problem, the grass at my home is about two feet tall."
Family Problems
Two men met at a bar and struck up a conversation.
After a while one of them said,"You think you have family problems?
Listen to my situation:
A few years ago I met a young widow with a grown-up daughter and we got
married.
Lately,my father married my stepdaughter.
That made my stepdaughter my stepmother and my father became my stepson.
Also my wife became mother-in-law of her father-in-law.
Then the daughter of my wife, my stepmother had a son.
This boy was my half brother because he was my father's son,
but he was also the son of my wife's daughter which made him my wife's grandson.
That made me grandfather of my half-brother.
This was nothing until my wife and I had a son.
Now the sister of my son, my mother-in-law is also the grandmother.
This makes my father the brother-in-law of my child,
whose stepsister is my father's wife.I am my stepmother's brother-in-law,
my wife is her own child's aunt,
my son is my father's nephew and I am my own grandfather and you think you have family problems."
